Then I thought I would tell you about some funny story that happened in my life, that inevitably would not be about me, but happened around me, AKA my sunbeams. But then I realized, that Joe taught them for me on Sunday so I could go to Relief Society and feel like a women. Not a thing to just talk to.
So then, I was left with my computer. And my words. And nothing to write about.
Except this:
Decisions.
They suck.
And more than Edward Cullens.
One of my all-time favorite Christmas movies is called Mrs. Clause (with Angela Lansbury). In it she rallies women together for women's right (along with doing other more christmas-y like things in the movie) but convincing these SAHM that they make so many decisions in a single day, they deserve a right to vote! And as one rather plump, German women says in the moive;
"Oi. All these decisions, it wears me out."
 |
| Thank you google |
Tis true.
Like, should I go back to school? Get my Masters? The thought terrifies me. And thrills me. The prestige. The responsibility. The endless papers. Eeek.
Get a second car, or become crazy smelly, bike riding people and live our lives on our bikes? The legs we will have! The time we won't!
And don't begin to talk to me about moving. Should we move while we are here, in a few months? Rent is going up. But where? And what about when Joe finishes his Masters- do we get him his PhD? Or work? I see a lot of people going to hair school, maybe that is a field we could pursue?
Any way you spin it, decisions are really weighing me down. I may or may not have had a mental break down today.
All I want is to be satisfied at this point. To not worry about where we are going next, where the next pay check will come from, no more relying on family members, worrying about money to pay bills or buy groceries. I want to be content with life. I want to say, "This is what I want. It is almost boring" and then go buy another dog, and dream of days when life could be called "boring".
I want to be able to stay at home with my daughter, and not feel guilty about not working. I can stay at home. I want to stay at home. But with every other person I know going off and getting a job, it makes me feel guilty. It makes me second guess if what I am doing is best for her- even though I know it is.
The End.
Also, this is quite possibly my favorite picture in the world. Is that awkward? I am not even in it. I took it. But every time I see it, it makes me laugh. The girl is one of my BESTEST friends Laura. She just got married. And she is soooo pretty. Anyways. This picture was taken before Joe and I were even dating. He used to wear a cowboy hat (I miss that), and Laura stole it, and I pride myself it taking obscure pictures. It was perfect. I love it.
(Sorry Laura. I promise to post a better picture of you that shows the world how truly beautiful you are. =] But no matter what- you are still gorgeous in any picture!)
0 comments:
Post a Comment