Rant

It's Saturday night, and I feel like I havn't blogged in a while. Or at least not a 'good' blog. But I don't want to blog right now either. Because I am feeling angry, depressed, cranky, negative, pessimistic, unhappy, moody, grouchy, grumpy, whatever synonym you would like to fill in.
But I don't feel like I am allowed to be any of those things. So I am trying to be happy.
But I want to rant.
I need to rant.
About how I hate reading other people's blogs because it makes me more self-conscious about who I am not.
It is cold here and I want to be somewhere warm.
I hate that their is a stain on our carpet.
I hate that we got a mysterious bill that is 15 months old (really, what the heck?!?).
I am angry that it is MY blog, but I still don't feel like I can say whatever I want.
I am upset that our bank account isn't anywhere near where it should be, and pay day is still another week away.
I am grumpy that I can't seem to get 8 hours of sleep in a day.
I am grouchy that the wind never seems to stop.
I am negative about the season, even though I am trying SO HARD to be happy, which makes it even worst.
But mostly, I am angry because I FEEL THIS WAY. And I hate it. I hate feeling neglected and alone (I know I am not, I know Joe is there for me- and he is the only one that keeps me truly from feeling alone.) But I miss people. I feel like other than Joe and Sariah, I only have the people at the dog park and one other person in Lincoln to talk to. In a rather big city, I am rather alone.
I am sad that I don't do more for myself- to make myself be the person I want to be.
I want to write. I had this AMAZING dream the other night, and I know it would make one of the coolest books. But I lack the motivation I need to write it. What do I do?
I want to be healthy. I want o exercise. And I have been- but seeing no results is discouraging.
This bad weather is really taking a toll on me. I need sunshine, and happy.

Now that my rant is over. I can focus-ish.
The thing right now making me happy?
Sariah is asleep. That is always a nice thing.
And Joe. He surprised me with the best date last week.
We have a pretty nice camera, and I have been begging for family pictures (professional ones). So he rented a try-pod and we went to one of our favorite/most frequented places in Lincoln. AKA the marsh. It was quite pretty and I love it.
I still want those fantastic, un-belivable pictures I see everyone else getting, but I am SOO incredibly happy with what we have. With what my husband can do and is willing to do for me. It made me happy.
The end.

Take away Penny, and these two are the best things in my life.

My mini-me.

Joe took this one. I think his skill is a bit better than mine. =]

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Blessings

I don't think I have ever realized how many lessons I receive. I mean I always knew, but this last week the blessings have just knocked I
me in the face, making me realize how blessed I am.
Specifically 3 things pop to mind:

1. Joe's glasses broke, but since he is such a great handy man, he was able to fix them easy peasy. But still- he hasn't had knew prescriptions in about 4 years- so we HAD to get him new glasses. But the school insurance only pays 15%, and we were not looking forward to paying out of pocket for it all. Tonight when we got back from the optometrist, Joe got his last paycheck from CA (that we were not expecting) that is for pretty much the same amount his glasses will be.

2. Sunday after church we were moaning about how we didn't have friends yet in Lincoln. We talk to people, but none one we can count to hang out with. It is hard- in Rexburg we basically could pick who we wanted to be our friends there were so many young LDS people, here not so much. So, ya- we were discouraged. Then a few hours later, a couple from the ward called us up and asked if we wanted to go shooting the next day!
Although we had already made plans to go visit family in Iowa and couldn't go.... Gotta figure that out.

3. About a week ago, I was out front hanging clothes. I had tied Scout out back and left the back door open for we to come in. Sariah was playing with some toys in the front room, where I could hear her. After about 2 minutes of being outside- I realized I could not hear her anymore, then realized I had left the back door open (which opens onto a deck about 4 feet above the ground or a crawling baby). I ran inside and saw no baby- so I ran to the back door, and caught Sariah right on the threshold, turning to go onto the porch.
So grateful that I was prompted to check on her.

Blessings are amazing and I am one lucky lady :)

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