Postpartum

I think I had postpartum depression. Or maybe just the "baby blues", as I heard it was referenced to in  Inspiring mama's podcast. Probably the baby blues, but still... I had something.

I didn't even think I had it, until after Seamus was born.
But I think I had it with Sariah. I think I had it WORSE with Sariah. I think having a second kid made it easier and better at the same time.
                                 
                                  

Now,  let me say first off, that I think all women experience some sort of "baby blues", or depression, of some kind after a new baby is born.Vaginal, C-section, Adoption, all affects us no matter in which way we have tried to prepare for it. Of course you are (normally) excited. But I have heard it so many times, and felt it myself, that when you are actually leaving the hospital (birthing center, etc.) that a part of you is like, "Wait- your just going to let me take this baby home? And trust me enough to care for it for the rest of my life?" It's kind of a scary thought.

I believe in opposites. Everything needs and must have an opposite. So, with such an exciting moment occurring in your life- of course there will be fear, apprehension, anxiety, caution, dare I say it, depression, about what is coming.

You may say that's selfish, You may mention thing's like this article, and vouch that you never have or will get depressed or 'blue' about a new baby, because you defy all laws of nature and science and are a perfect creature.

 It takes a LOT to love another being. Have you ever told someone that you would take care of them for 100% of their needs whenever they needed it, and expect nothing in return? You (typically) prepare for 9 (or so) months for this new person to join you. Waiting to meet them, imagining your life together. And you do forget about yourself. You take care of yourself, but you take care of them. And then they are born- and you love them. You love this min-you. But you have forgotten that this mini-you is still part of YOU, and YOU have forgotten to love YOU.

It's not selfish.
A birth mother is not selfish to place her child up for adoption. She is loving that child and loving another family.
You are not selfish for admitting you have a fault, that you are human, and you too need to be loved.


The thing about my 'baby blues', is that I forgot myself. I got so absorbed in stupid articles and others opinions on how to be the BEST mom, that I forgot that I am more than a mom alone. I was a wife first. A daughter, a sister, a friend, a daughter of GOD, I was ME.

And I don't want to just me a mom for my children. I want to be their friend, a good christian example, I want to show them how to be yourself even when the world wants you to be something else.

Be you. Embrace yourself. And that is why I am writing this. Because I am tired of feeling like I am not being me.

I am Mary.
I am a writer, a dreamer, a believer, an optimist.
I think I am funny.
I like to meet new people and make new friends and make everyone smile.
I want to serve people, I want to help others be happy and make life better.
I am a wife, a supporter to my best friend.
I am a mother of two, and I support admitting flaws.