At home with 2

I had a realization yesterday that I never thought I would have. 

We were at a friends house having a play date. This friend has a couple older kids in school, then one daughter Sariahs age. She mentioned that she will occasionally fall asleep wth her daughter at nap time. 

It caught me off guard in a wired way.

Sort of like déjàvu.

I used to fall asleep with Sariah during nap time all the time. 

But now it is a rare occurrence. First I have to find the time to be home during nap time. Then make sure both kids sleep at the same time. Then I have the never-ending chore list tugging me away. 

I should have been jealous. Knowing me, that is what my reaction would most like have been. And even a month ago It would have been. 

When Séamus was first born, I remember missing having only one child. Almost wishing for the days of single child freedom. But I knew I didn't want to give up Sariah or Séamus. I knew that I would die without Sariah, and moments after Séamus was born I knew I would fight to keep him. There was no way I would give up one of them to only have one child again . The only option was to love them both; but even more importantly- LOVE HAVING TWO CHILDREN. 

And that is what I realized yesterday. When my friend mentioned that she could take naps, I thought "what would I do without Séamus? Who would keep me entertained while Sariah slept?"

I thought it before I even realized I was thinking it. And like that, I was grateful for two kids. Grateful for the never ending chaos. Grateful that every day they grow, they will have each other. Grateful that I always have something to do, and someone to love. 

Even if it means never sleeping again.