Motherhood compels you

I know that everyone has their own views, reasons, rationals, causes, beliefs, whatever, on when to/ not to have children.
And I am by no means trying to persuade anyone to have children.
But, I want to say something about the topic of Motherhood. 

Because I have had so many friends recently who have become pregnant, or have had babies, or gotten married, or graduated- and are inevitably thinking about having a baby, I want to share something.

MOTHERHOOD COMPELS YOU

That is really the best word for it.

After thinking, and pondering, experiencing, crying, wondering, talking, laughing... after this last 14 months, plus the 9 (technically 10) I was pregnant, I have come to the conclusion decision, that MOTHERHOOD COMPELS YOU.

When we were newlyweds, living in Chowchilla, Ca (AKA nowhere anyone would ever want to be), I felt alone and bored. I couldn't find a job, we were living paycheck to paycheck, I missed home and my family, and we were close enough to want to visit a LOT. 

So on those days when I was just overcome with not having any friends and no one to turn to, I cried and wallowed in self pity. 

Joe worked all day, and when he DID come home, he was tired- and didn't want to go out and do things (He would, but it was never enough for the girl sitting at home alone all day). Then he sprained his ankle, and detail after detail happened, each involving me wallowing. 

And this trend continued. Things got easier as we moved to Idaho...but things never stay easier. So, each time, I would cry and wallow. And let the problems of my life and the world overwhelm me.

DISCLAIMER: I am a happy person. I am NOT trying to say I am miserable all the time. I am NOT. I mean more to reference, those times when school gets to much, money is to littler, or life gets to hard that you just DON'T want to keep it up. So you just fall and cry. THAT is what I am referencing. 

But a baby changes that.

The other day, when the world seemed to come crashing down because this month our budget was going to be just a bit to tight for us to handle- I wanted to fall down and cry. And I did. For about 10 seconds.

I dropped to my knees, started a miserable sound of cry/prayer, then was interrupted by this baby girl crying, needing me. 

I had to stop my wallowing, and I had to move on. I had to take care of her. She needed me more than I needed to wallow. 

So, I was COMPELLED TO MOVE ON. 

And later that day, walking to the dog park (pushing Sariah in the stroller, with a dog in each hand), I realized that MOTHERHOOD COMPELLED ME TO MOVE ON. 

Not even just Sariah, really. The dogs needed me. Joe needed me. I had no time to feel pity for myself. 

Motherhood isn't easy. But it is rewarding.

You do lose yourself, you are never the same. You do change.

But the best thing? 

Is that you are COMPELLED to do things you never would have before. 

I am COMPELLED to act a little crazier, braver, speak my mind, get involved, ask questions- all for and because of Sariah. 

She truly has helped me to BE A BETTER ME.